“The Man” in D.C. foils BoxfordDems’ Deflecting Pool marketing plan — drink this instead!

It was yet another straightforward, liberal pipe dream. Arrive at the Lincoln Memorial at daybreak. Dip a Mason jar into the Reflecting-Pool-Turned Petri dish, seal it up, scurry back to the safty and sanity of Massachusetts. Once back, fill the algae soup into vials to be distributed to our believers (much the way a North Shore Brahmin would keep water from the River Jordan in his liquor cabinet to baptize the tenth transmitter of his foolish face).

We, of course, were driven by a morbid desire to own part of what is surely most perfect metaphor for President Trump’s incompetence, his shifting of blame, and general misuse of tax dollars.

Alas it was not to be. By the time we arrived around sunrise, the Administration had stationed well-armed but bored-looking National Guard soldiers to ensure no one interfered with the algae bloom. The only people touching the water were National Parks Service scientists’ taking samples in between the pumping-filtering stations placed around the pool, which were, let’s face it, operating against the clock, the blazing D.C. sun, the swampy humidity, the irrational demands of superiors who are strangers to science, and the natural and imposed toxic attributes of Potomac water..

We have reached the Streisand Effect stage of the proceedings where an attempt to conceal a phenomenon unintentionally manages to amplify it ten-fold. (Fences were going up shortly after the BoxfordDems left Thursday morning. This closure is supposedly in extended preparation for the Trump-aligned Freedom 250 State Fair on the Mall, which has been marred by bad weather, electrical issues, poor attendance, and exhibitors too attached to Confederate symbolism for even the organizers’ comfort. The whole Pool area has now been declared now off-limits to visitors, with loudspeakers, North Korea-style, blaring out messages to that effect.)

Pool Me Once — Deflecting Pool Special

4 parts - Hendrick’s Gin
1 part - Chartreuse (Green)
2 parts - ginger syrup*

1 lime (juice and zest)

Garnish
Blueberry peal (to mimic rubberized paint)
Lime zest (to mimic blooming Petri dish surface)
Three blueberries on stick.

* Cut up fresh ginger in slices, add to 1 cup water and 1 cup sugar. Bring to boil and let cool. Remove ginger.

Pre-chill martini glasses in freezer. Combine gin, Chartreuse, and syrup in cocktail mixer filled with ice.
Shake vigorously and strain into glasses. Add peal and grate zest on top. Plop in stick with blueberries. Enjoy!

For an interactive Independence Day experience, we invite you to conduct your own social experiment. Invite a MAGA neighbor, who you believe might be ready to be re-assimilated into polite society. Serve them a Deflection Pool Special and report back. Please attach footage (if available).